For the last hour, I have been racking my brain for my next blog post, that seemingly unimportant, the one that I can just sit for hours and write down anything that got into my mind until I come to a realisation that all I have to do is say, “Hello, June! It’s Never Too Late for a Fresh Start!” I have no idea how much time has passed, and I can hardly believe how much my life has changed in the last thirteen months. Things have been quite rough back then – money flowed like a river for the past three years, and I had to row the boat alone while he was sitting there without a sense of responsibility or a grief at the realisation that a woman was actually tired of making ends meet just to pay all his debts. Humbug!
I dragged myself from the bed and recoiling at the state of my reflection in the mirror. My puffy and splotchy face. The memories of us flashed back. I fell pretty hard for him when we met for the first time, I thought things would go smooth and sweet but things went sour. Love is not enough to secure a relationship. It requires a stable finance, commitment, and responsibility. One can never let the other half do all the things alone especially when it comes to money.
Months of quarrels lead to mutual understanding that it is better to remain as friends than getting into a relationship that is hard to commit. We shook hand and bid a farewell outside the office as we parted our own ways to struggle for a better life. The moment I told my mum about my miserable life, she quickly hugged me. My chest shook violently as I sobbed. Although she kept on saying ‘It’s fine’. I could still feel that I am the failure in the family, a total disgrace, and I could still hear my relatives mocked me because a Christian shall never have a failed marriage – a taboo. I could still remember how some of them were staring at me as if I am some kinds of a virus or bubonic plague.
I sigh and pat my face, returning to the comfort of my warm and snuggly bed. The door bursts open and in they spill – my daughters, all still dressed head-to-toe in their Hello Kitty pyjamas, tearing into the room and clambering onto my bed. “Good Morning, Mommy!” As I hug them tightly, I feel grateful as I can now stay beside them – no longer have to be apart from them.
It’s not probably best to talk about it because I find love can be really tiresome. It’s really hard to be with someone who will never let you row the boat all alone. I’m so past caring right now.